Strifes, Cookies, and Kisses
by Shenjitcu
Summary: AU; Medieval; No Sburb Session John is thrown all around. and Jake becomes his closest friend in his new environment. Dirk is left at a misunderstanding and grows jealous, and Dave offers to help him-of course, helping Dirk will benefit Dave, if all goes well. Dirk/Jake; Dave/John


**Strifes, Cookies, and Kisses**

**A Dirk Strider X Jake English and Dave Strider X John Egbert Oneshot**

**WARNING: Canon X Canon, Yaoi, possible OCCness, Alternate Occurrences from the Web Comic, Alternate Universe, and Odd Twists as well as possible Spelling/Grammar Mistakes will be found in this literature. You've been warned-if you don't like these, I suggest you refrain from reading this. **

** DISCLAIMER: I do not own Homestuck or its characters used in this FanFiction, as Homestuck and all of its characters belong to Andrew Hussie.**

**Word Count: 4,825**

The Under-Sky Valley was the home to three large kingdoms, so the size of its total was evidently large. The three kingdoms were known as Altevani, Humdale, and Hosengood. All of which were very different from each other, despite their closeness. These differences were in their customs, in their inhabitants—all the way from the smallest cultural piece to the largest part of the whole community.  
Altevani, being the only Kingdom that lacks a population made up of mainly humans, is inhabited by a race known as Trolls. Despite myths, Trolls are extremely intelligent and far from hideous. Their grey complexions, colorful blood, and tri-colored horns defined them greatly from humans by appearance, though these aside, their outward builds were much like that of a human. A large part of their culture was in expression and sharing feelings to avoid conflicts, as it was in all three of the kingdoms; they went about this by compiling decently large piles of whatever item they please and lying atop them, conversing with others of their kind. The residents of Altevani are known to be prideful yet caring, and are very organized and fair in their governments and communities.  
In a contrast to this, Hosengood, one of the Kingdoms inhabited by humans, was, of course, different. To show expression and share feelings, Hosenians are known to participate in small duels or spars, which they refer to as 'strifes'. While they are united and friendly to each other, tough-love is a much practiced idea here. The humans who take up their residence in Hosengood are generally stronger and more focused than the average humans of other kingdoms. While not all agree with their form of government, a strict monarchy, the equity it actually brings cannot be denied and is, generally, accepted. As for their communities, there is a lack any strict organization that Altevani has, but with their strifes, the conflict brought by such has never been a problem.  
Lastly, this comes to Humdale, a Kingdom inhabited by a majority of humans, but with many minorities. It is by far the most diverse Kingdoms in all aspects—the general expression, inhabitants, governments, and communities. It is difficult to define it due to such diversity; however, there is much conflict among Humdalians, as their reactions are often unpredictable and the diversity they allow causes much disagreement and corruption. Their people range from crude and rude to prideful and calm and their governments are just as opposite at times.  
Though despite all of the differences among the three Kingdoms, there is one known fact that abides to each of them; they do not "trade" citizens. Meaning; no Kingdom shall allow one of their citizens to go to another Kingdom and live there, just as no Kingdom will allow a citizen from another Kingdom to live within their borders. It had been kept as such for centuries, and had never been broken—until a young boy, John Egbert, came along.  
John Egbert had been born in Humdale, though his mother did not believe it would be best for him to grow up in such an environment. She pleaded with the high-bloods of Altevani, and eventually, they agreed. They claimed he was young, and it was not likely he was yet known to be a citizen of Humdale, therefore, it would not be breaking the single similar law of the Under-Sky Valley Kingdoms.  
John was fine growing up in Altevani. He adapted to the Troll's schedules and way of life, attended their schools, and learned their history and their academics. He became a part of the Vantas family, and was like a brother to the child of that family, Karkat Vantas, who also became his best friend. The young Egbert believed he'd been born in Altevani and would live there for the rest of his days, and while some in Altevani knew the truth of his origins, all thought he wouldn't be leaving. But they all turned out to be wrong.  
John came down with a horrible sickness unknown to any of the Trolls. They didn't understand how he even concocted an ailment they were not aware of, in their borders, without them knowing of it. Though, when a band of Altevanian Doctors examined him, what they found meant that he had to go. John was not a Troll, he was a Human, and that caused him to not be able to fully adapt to their customs and life. He did for quite a while, but his human body could no longer withstand it.  
The one law that gave the three Kingdoms a similarity was then broken. Altevani High-Bloods discussed everything with Hosengood Officials, and eventually, Hosengood agreed to break the single law and bring John Egbert into their Kingdom, where he would be able to live a near normal lifestyle.  
It all seemed to be going well, too. John recovered quickly, and after a small fight, adapted to the sleeping schedule of Hosenians. Being sixteen, it was easy for him to bounce on back from his illness in the right environment. A couple months after his arrival in Hosengood from Altevani, when he was fully well and settled in with the 'Crocker' family—they'd be his new family—, it was decided he would be sent to a general Hosenian school to begin learning their required academics. And this is where the problem came.

* * *

"John Egbert, what do you not comprehend about expression?!" The teacher, a large burly man, exclaimed at the Altevani-raised human from across the room. John's head snapped up from the book he was reading and to the teacher, a confused expression written all over his features. He comprehended expression quite well. "Piles of junk are not forms of expression and sharing feeling, it is strifing!" Well, apparently, he didn't know expression as well as he thought. The teacher beckoned for John to come to him, and as the boy approached, it clicked where this was coming from. The teacher was holding a test paper on expression in his hand, with red 'X's strewn all across it. "Uhm, sir, I'm not sure-" "Not sure of what? John, I have explained this to you a thousand times-" _No. You haven't. You explained it once, to the whole class, and laughed when I questioned it._ "and you still aren't getting it. Or are you mocking me? You know," the teacher stood up, and John seemed like much more of a dwarf than he already did. "I think a strife is the best way to solve this." John didn't attempt to say anything in response—the class was far too loud with all of their cheering and shouting. _What in Gog's name is a Strife?!_  
John nearly toppled back dodging a random punch from his teacher. "W-What are you-" He didn't get to finished his sentence before he was stepping back again to dodge, only this time he was more prepared. A horrified look was plastered onto his face and his pupils were dilated. _What in Gog's name!? W-What kind of teacher attacks their student!?_ In his thought, John failed to notice the punch mere inches from hitting the side of his head, but didn't have the 'pleasure' of feeling it. "Stop!" The voice that called out was most definitely the voice of a boy around John's own age, but he didn't get to see his 'savior' before he felt a firm grasp on his arm and was being pulled away from the teacher. John clenched his eyes shut, wanting off of this _insanity_ to stop.  
As he was being pulled away, John heard a variety of shouts. "Who the hell is that kid!?" "Sir, that is the Prince, he rarely seen in public, but you should be aware of him!" "Well why is he interrupting my class?" Then there was the sound of a door being slammed open. "Young Lord! Young Lord, I know you dislike Sir Merri's manner of disciplining the boy, but it is not your place to intrude!" "Oh Jeeves, quiet yourself! I bet he's never heard of a strife before Merri's far too advanced a level lecture." It was the voice of the person who had previously said 'Stop.' "John, John open your eyes and look at me." The same voice came from his right. John opened his eyes slowly and looked over, meeting shining emerald eyes. "Have you any idea what a strife is?" The boy asked, his green gaze not shifting. The young Egbert shifted a little awkwardly, "N-No.."  
"Ah-ha!" Dirk watched in amusement as his best friend, Jake English, also the Prince, cheered and looked to Jeeves. "See? Merri had no right to even try to lie a finger on him!" His orange gaze watched the prince turn back to John, releasing his arm and instead taking his hands in his own—there was most definitely a pang of jealousy he would not be admitting when that happened—and grinned at him. "A strife is a little spar or duel to really express yourself and let the one you are battling know how you're feeling. It comes in four simple steps." Dirk watched as John nodded, seeing the nervous awkwardness that Jake likely wasn't seeing. "First, you've gotta get a feeling. Imagine it!" The Prince squeezed the boy's hands—again, more jealousy Dirk would not admit—and grinned, "Got the feeling?" His voice was excited, but John responded with the same weary nod. It did nothing to change how enthusiastic Jake was. "Now see yourself finding the person making you feel like that." Jake stood on his tippy-toes, slightly bouncing, "Did you find him? Hmm?" Again, John wearily nodded, looking as if he were trying extremely hard to process everything. Dirk couldn't help but smirk to himself, _Jake is so oblivious.. It's adorable._ Not that the Strider would ever admit that. "Okay, okay and now.." Jake trailed off, excitement glittered in his eyes. His whole body was noticeably tensing a bit with excitement, "Now tackle him!" he cheered, letting go of John's hands. He made gentle fists and fast, but careful and contained punching motions at the air, "And then you get your Strife on!" Dirk's smirk almost shifted into a smile—almost, of course, because Striders are too ironically skilled to smile—at the thrill littered in Jake's voice. And the fact he stopped holding John's hands.  
John blinked dumbf¬¬oundedly at the boy before him. It made much, much more sense than 's explanation, but it seemed odd. Though as it pieced together in his mind and the emerald eyed boy started to do a little dance with some fake punches and, of course, little self-made sound effects to go along with it, the Egbert couldn't help but smile, "That makes sense, kind of. Much more than did. But what.. What is step four?" John inquired, recalling that Jake said there were four steps. The prince or so John surmised he was, stopped his little dance and smiled at John, "Step four is just being proud of yourself because the other person now knows exactly how you were feeling because of them." His smile turned into the excited grin it was before, "But step three is the thrilling one!" He declared.  
Dirk's smirk fell when Jake grabbed John's hand again—of course, he knew it wasn't anything romantic, but still—and dragged him out the door, calling back, "Whatever, I'll be teaching him from now on!" when Jeeves and argued that he wasn't to interfere with John's classes and take him away. Jealous was a major understatement for how Dirk was currently feeling.

* * *

Since Jake's interruption of John's class, John learned that the boy was indeed the Prince, and his name was 'Jake English'. He met Dirk Strider—they had been in the same class, but never really spoke or anything—, Jake's best friend, but got the feeling the blonde really didn't like him for some reason. Jake became his best friend in Hosengood, but he often missed Karkat. Luckily, he was able to keep in contact with him—and also luckily, no one had tried to seriously strife with John quite yet. Jake tackled him a couple times, but it was all fun and games. John had stopped going to school and was being taught by Jake, and everything was much, much easier to understand. He understood strifing, and while he didn't think he could express himself very well with it, he practiced, in case. He even began his Squireship and befriended one of his peers, Dave Strider.

hr

"Yo, shorty." John frowned and turned, looking to see who was mocking his height this time. He was met with a blonde that vaguely reminded him of Dirk; "Don't call me short." He commanded the other boy. All of the Pages that had been advanced to Squire rank were waiting for the Knights to come and take their pick of who they'd be training. "I'm not calling you anything, I'm simply using an adjective to describe you." "I'm fairly sure adding the 'y' makes it a noun in that context." "Then a noun to describe you." "Nouns aren't describers." "Neither am I, but I still describe, don't I?" John was left silent, mentally fuming about how he was 'so done with the stupidity of this guy'. He turned away and began walking away, intent on ignoring all of the idiots around him, but felt a firm grip on his wrist and was soon pulled back.

"Hey, where are you going, shorty?" John glared daggers, "Away from you. And that isn't my name." "Well I'm not going to let you go, but if you tell me your name I'll stop calling you shorty, shorty." ".. John. My name is John Egbert." He responded, and was surprised—and offended—to find that the blonde had released him and was nearly keeling over in laughter. "iWhat/i is so damn funny?" "Y-Your last name.. I-Is really Egbert?!" "Yes." The laughter died almost immediately, "Oh.. Well.. Uhm, nice to meet you, John, I'm Dave—Dave Strider." John gave Dave an unamused look, "Well the pleasure must be all yours, because I don't find it nice to speak with an insulting prick." The Strider only chuckled, "I assure you, you'll think differently of me soon enough."

And Dave hadn't been lying. After the Knights arrived and chose their Squires, they ended up as the Squires of Knights who were best friends, so they saw quite a lot of each other. It really wasn't long before Dave's prediction came to be a reality, and John actually started to like him a bit. Not much time passed after that before they were fairly good friends, and while Jake would always be John's best-of-best-friends here—Karkat is his overall best-of-best-friends—the Egbert found that he had most definitely made a new close friend.

hr

It has been about a year since John came to Hosengood, and currently, he was heading to the Royal Medical District with a large basket of flowers. Jake had gotten sick recently, and while the doctors said he should be out and fine soon, John still wanted to visit him since he had to stay. He wasn't questioned as he walked through the Royal Medical District, and was glad for that. He pushed into Jake's room and grinned at him when he lit up like a light bulb. "Golly, John, you really didn't have to!" Jake said as he was handed the basket of flowers. John chuckled, "I know, Jake, but I wanted to. You're my best friend, and I know you like foreign flowers, since they give you a sense of adventure." The English was giddy, and after nodding a thank you to his friend, went to inspecting the flowers excitedly. They were from Altevani, the only of the three Kingdoms with its own unique vegetation, and they were amazing. They gave Jake a sense of having adventured—he loved it.  
Jake looked over to John, "You grew up in Alternia, right?" he asked and the Egbert nodded, "Do you think.. Do you think you could tell me about Alternia? L-Like Quadrants. I'm not sure what they are, but I've heard of them, and they sound interesting enough." John smiled at the prince, "Of course," he agreed, "I can do that." He was met with a beaming Jake English.

* * *

Dirk strolled down the road, a box of Chessman like cookies in his hand. He was on his way to see Jake in the Royal Medical District, seeing as his best friend was sick, and figured it would be nice to bring him his favorite cookies. The Strider had just managed to 'escape' the Pages that he had been training some. Being the youngest Knight at the age of eighteen, he could relate to the young Pages best of the Knights—and they were all rather attached to him. Dirk didn't mind, but on this particular day, he wanted to get to Jake. He wasn't sure if the English remembered, but this was the eleventh anniversary of their meeting.  
Dirk strode through the Royal Medical District, not bothering to take note of anyone-he was dead-set on making it to his best friend's room and just sit and have a good time with him. He pushed open Jake's door quietly in case the boy was sleeping, and froze at the sight before him:  
Jake was lying in the bed with John leaning over the side, giving him a small kiss on the forehead.  
Dirk was surprised, and felt like his heart was just torn apart into millions of tiny, fleshy pieces. He must of dropped the box of cookies, because the sound of something hitting the floor echoed and both John and Jake turned to look at him. The Strider gained his composure and glowered, "Sorry, I didn't mean to _interrupt_." There was a slight growl in his voice before he turned on his heel and walked out, ignoring Jake and John's calls after him.

* * *

Jake furrowed his eyebrows, "I understand Matespritship and Kismesism, and Autsprice, but Moirails.. Are they like, lovers, only they're not really sexual, they're just snuggly?" "No, no, Moirails are more like.. Very close friends that keep each other sane and offer small shows of affection." John explained, but the prince only looked confused still. "Uhm, here. Moirails are like.. Okay, let's say I'm your Moirail. I talk with you about your problems and keep you happy, with small affectionate gestures that aren't mean to be 'hitting on you', just.. Affectionate, really, only in a platonic way." Jake still looked a bit confused, but like he more understood it. "Alright, I'm getting it. My only question is.. What kind of gestures? Could you give me an example?" He asked and John stopped to think for a moment. "Here," he said, leaning over the bed, "Like, a Moirail would do this," he added, bending down and kissing Jake on the forehead.  
John pulled back in surprise when he heard something drop to the floor and his head snapped over so he was looking at the door. There he saw Dirk, who looked terribly devastated. "Sorry, I didn't mean to _interrupt_." John cringed at hearing the growl in the Strider's voice, though when he saw him turn on his heel, the words computed—it must have been the same for Jake, because they called after him at the same time. "Dirk! Dirk, it isn't like that, you're misunderstanding!" The Strider never turned back.

* * *

Dirk sat in his quarters with his younger brother, Dave, currently feeling dead inside. "So bro, what happened?" His brother asked and the older Strider rolled his eyes. "Jake let John kiss him on the forehead. I walked in on them. And it looked like Jake was _enjoying_ it.." ".. That sucks, man, but I have to ask—how do you have any idea if he was enjoying it or not?" "It looked like it." "Are you sure you're not just making that up in your head, bro? I mean, if they were lip-locked and snogging, it' easy to see if it's being enjoyed or not, but a kiss on the forehead? Is that even an advance, anyway?" Dirk was quiet and simply glared at Dave. Forget feeling dead inside, he felt pissed inside. "Shut up, Dave." He hissed, but his brother had a point. Though, he didn't want to admit that right now.  
A couple hours of Dirk's brooding later, he was face to face with his brother. "Go strife John then, or Jake. Get it out of your system." "John doesn't strife, and I have no reason to want to strife Jake." The younger sighed, "Then.. Why don't I distract John, and you go romance the Prince?" "You're being gross, bro." "No, shh. You know you want to, and I honestly don't mind distracting John. He does happen to be a Squire, like me, and whether you know it or not, our Knights are fairly close. So I've had my fair share of interaction with Egbert. He's cute, to say something." Dirk quirked an eyebrow at his brother. He wasn't sure if he should be disgusted—because he hated John right now, worried—because his brother was considering this plan, or elated—because this plan could actually work, if he didn't screw it all up with Jake. "Uhm, sure, but, when?" Dirk didn't like the smirk Dave gave him. There was something mischievous about it. "What better time than the Autumn Ball next week?" Dirk wanted to argue, but he honestly couldn't think of a time that would be better.

* * *

¬¬ John was worried—he hadn't seen Dirk since the when he left Jake and himself in the Royal Medical District, and while the Strider never really liked him, he realized it had hurt him. It had been a ¬¬¬¬¬week since, and currently, the Egbert was helping the English prepare for the Autumn Ball. Luckily, Jake had been released from the Medical District in time to attend—he had told John of how he truly loved this festival. But right now, he looked a little pale, and a little sick. A little worried, a little scared, and a lot not like the Jake John knew. "You're worried about Dirk too, aren't you?" It was quiet a moment before the prince responded, "Yes, I am.. I don't have any idea why he reacted as he did. He's my best mate, but.. He doesn't normally act like that. I think. I'm not sure about a situation as the one we have at hand.." John nodded, "Well.. It's unlikely he'll miss tonight, and if he isn't there, it'll be easy to find him in the Kingdom, since it'll be mostly empty, so I'll sneak out and be sure to find him, alright?" The prince nodded, "We should get to the ball room."

* * *

John was getting punch for himself and Jake, though as he picked up the first cup, he was pulled back into the corridor that was conveniently, or unconveniently, right by the punch table. He opened his mouth to shout, but it was covered before he got a chance, he struggled to turn around to see his captor, but froze upon hearing a familiar voice. "Shh, John, I'm going to let you go; don't scream, I just want to.. talk." As John was released, he turned on his heel, "Dave?" He asked, surprised to see the other Squire standing before him. He only received a smirk in response from the blonde with half-lidded red eyes, "Yes?" ".. Why did you..?" "I wanted to talk." "We couldn't talk out there?" John didn't react as Dave—gently—pushed him against the wall of the corridor, "Because I don't think the guests would appreciate watching me flirt with you," the Strider paused, as if in thought, then smirked, "but you know, you'd look awfully cute all flushed and embarrassed because of all the things I'd be saying to you in front of such a large crowd." John's cheeks were already nearly a cherry, "D-Dave.." He mumbled, not sure how to respond to everything his—somewhat?—friend was saying.  
"Should I just lay it all out for you? You seem a bit confused." Dave asked, putting a hand to John's forehead, "And a little sick.." "Y-Yeah.." The Strider looked at the Egbert and smirked, glad he was playing right into his 'trap'. He slid his hand down to cup John's cheek and chin, "Well, I really like you, John, and intended on flirting with you smoothly until you started swooning, then I'd give you a chaste kiss before having you do the Waltz with me." He leaned in to John's ear, "Does that sound good?" When the Egbert tried to pull his head away, the slightly older boy stepped off immediately. "Dave.. I.. I don't know.." Dave deadpanned, then sighed. "Can I have one chance to see if it makes you yay or nay?" John seemed to be thinking it over, then nodded slightly. He wasn't sure how to feel about this, and would have preferred to go think it all over, but it was only polite to give him at least one chance, right? It could leave him hurt or devastated if he didn't give him a chance.  
John was surprised when Dave leaned forward and pressed his lips to the Egbert's own. The blue eyed boy stared into the Strider's red eyes until the crimson orbs closed and the initiator put his hands on John's waist and gently pressed him to the wall. The Egbert unwillingly closed his eyes—damn instincts—¬and kissed back. He was a bit confused as to _why_ he was responding in this way, but this just felt so _right_ to kiss Dave. He gently wrapped his arms around Dave's neck and the latter deepened the kiss by turning to the side. Upon being nibbled on the lip by the Strider, John made the mistake of opening his mouth to protest, only to be met with the other boy's tongue giving the idea of 'invading personal space' a whole new meaning. Not that it actually bothered John—this felt so good that he stopped trying to think it over. He was sure if there wasn't some kind of attraction, he wouldn't be enjoying so much personal space invasion, and he wouldn't have felt a tad upset when Dave pulled away. "So?" ".. I'm pretty sure I like you more than I thought I did."

* * *

Jake was getting a little impatient waiting for John with the punch. He was—totally not—hiding behind a large column towards the back of the ball room. He didn't feel like dancing, and he was sure there would be many ladies asking him to dance—there always was. That's why he almost jumped through the roof when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whirled around only to see Dirk there, leaving him to grin. He tackled his friend in a hug—of course, Dirk wasn't fazed and didn't stumble or fall—and sighed in relief. "Oh, Dirk," he pulled back, "Where have you been?" "Around.. Now.. Uhm.. Jake.. Is there anything.. Between you and John.. That is more than platonic?" Dirk asked and Jake rose an eyebrow, then something seemed to click. "O-Oh! No, the forehead kiss was just part of something he was teaching me about Troll culture. Our relationship is completely platonic, haha, and I kind of hope it stays that way."  
Dirk smiled—yes, Striders don't smile, but this was an exception—at Jake. "I'm glad," He responded, not really noticing how much he implied his feelings. "Uhm, Dirk, are you implying that.. You have feelings that are more than platonic," the oldest Strider almost had a heart attack, "for John?" and then he almost face-palmed. "No, Jake. I do not see John that way." The Strider replied and the prince nodded, "Then why would you be glad?" Dirk chuckled slightly, "I was implying that.. I have more than platonic feelings for _you_, but I hope that doesn't make anything awkward." He replied, the words just hopping out of his mouth. He hadn't meant to say that. Damn. He looked nervously at Jake, who wasn't showing much emotion.  
When Jake finally showed a feeling, it was nothing that the eldest of the two Striders was expecting. He smiled. The prince smiled in this circumstance. "Well, that's a relief, Dirk," the English said, rubbing the back of his head. "I've kinda had a 'thing' for you for a while now, I just surmised that you'd prefer a lass." Dirk's smile shifted into a large smirk, "No way," he responded before pulling the prince against his chest by the hips and leaning down, kissing him deeply. Jake responded immediately and positively, his hands grasping Dirk's upper arms and pulling him closer, kissing him back with just as much passion and love.


End file.
